Chuck vs His Secret
by verkisto
Summary: Chuck has a secret and he's not going to tell anyone.
1. Coordination

Chapter 1: Co-ordination

Chuck was actually quite coordinated and graceful. You wouldn't know it by watching him around Sarah. He was always walking into things, tripping, dropping stuff and, most notably, bumping into Sarah, steadying her with his hands, flushing and apologizing as she said, "That's okay, Chuck, I'm all right."

You see, Sarah had only seen the clumsy, jostling side of him so she didn't know any differently. When his file noted "swam in high school," Sarah didn't know that meant he was one of the top medal-earners on his school's swim team in the front crawl, butterfly and relay. When it said "likes to dance," what it should have said was "Junior Ballroom Cotillion Leader," and the one-word description "gymnastics" didn't come anywhere near listing his accomplishments in floor, rings and vaulting.

So whenever he tripped and fell headlong into her arms, Sarah just thought he was being inattentive, maybe thinking about video games or something, and when he walked into a concrete light standard on the street and raised a small egg on his forehead and she kissed it gently, brushing his hair back with her hand, she would be at the wrong angle to see the contented but calculating look in his eyes.

His favorite trick was to sneak up behind her and wait. It didn't always work, but when it did, it felt like winning big in Vegas. Sarah, thinking he was farther away, would spin around right into the front of him, and it was then he could bring his arms up and around her under the pretext of steadying her and say, "Whoa, whoa." If she came close enough, he might even get a good whiff of her hair or her perfume. Once, she had contacted the front of his pants with her hand and he had lived off of that feeling for days afterwards.

The net result of this carry-on was Sarah thinking she had to work even harder to protect this sweet, vulnerable boy-man and Chuck getting what he needed from Sarah until their circumstances changed and he was able to get more.


	2. Grooming

Chapter 2: Grooming

Yes, Chuck's hair was wild and untamed and seemed to have a life of its own. But that was all part of the plan.

When he was a child, his whole family – even Ellie – had grown impatient with his obsessive need to keep his hair in order. When his mother took him to the barber at the age of eight, he always asked for an overall with the Number 2 razor, a request that his mother would firmly veto with the explanation, "But, Chuckie, your hair is so nice all curly. We'll just get a short trim." He would always react the same way, exhaling a loud, "Harummph!" as he hugged his arms across his chest and submitted to the barber's scissors with bad grace.

Because Chuck, as a child, wanted to be tough. He wanted to be like the avatars in a computer war game. He could see himself, shorn skull under a combat helmet, yelling out, "C'mon, men! Don't leave any of these Sons of Satan standing!" Hitching the strap of his machine gun higher on his shoulder, he would spit the end of an enormous stogie into the dirt and lead his men to victory. How on earth could he do that with long, curly hair that women couldn't resist running their fingers through?

Anyway, after going through junior school and even college with very short hair, he had finally let it grow out, including sideburns, for a bet with Morgan. The sneaky munchkin dared him that he couldn't go for six months without cutting his hair, and Chuck, willing to take him up on it for the price of three computer games of his choice, endured the uncomfortable feeling as his hair grew out, the ends finally flipping all over and making weird animal shapes. He couldn't wait to win the bet and get it cut again.

But when the six months were almost up, Sarah walked into the Buy More and started flirting with him. He didn't know at the time that she was just softening him up for a mission, but at the same time, she didn't know that his first sight of her was like a sucker punch to his gut, causing him to immediately formulate plans and schemes to always be as close to her as possible.

And he took note of the fact that she kept glancing appreciatively at his hair.

So when he positioned himself in front of her, preferably at a lower level, and she casually and almost unconsciously plunged her fingers to his scalp and drew them to the back of his head or started at the nape of his neck, making the little hairs there stand on end before her fingertips entered the tangled brown forest and her warm hands cupped the back of his skull, he could let his facial expression register his relaxation at her touch and the self-satisfaction that his plan had worked again.

But the best one was when she stood in front of him and went up a little onto her tiptoes to lightly brush and fluff the ends of his hair back into place, because then he had to school his features into an expression of surprise and occasionally annoyance so he wouldn't give himself away. That took real skill when it felt so nerve-meltingly good. It felt so good, in fact, that sometimes he even had to hurriedly jam his hands into his pockets and fight the urge to crush her body to his.


	3. Dress

Chapter 3: Dress

Chuck had to be really careful so it wasn't obvious what he was doing, because this one worked a treat, and if he overdid it, he might tip his hand.

You see, Sarah liked it when Chuck was neatly dressed. Chuck had the advantage on his side, though, of having a reputation as a hardcore nerd, and everyone knows that nerds are sloppy dressers, not caring what they throw on in the morning or how they look.

He hadn't always been that way, of course. Not too long ago, he had been so fussy about his clothes that Ellie had thrown up her hands in exasperation and said, "That's it, Chuck! You say I'm not ironing your shirts properly? Do it yourself, then!" and in the end he had started ironing not only his own clothes but Ellie's and Devon's too, soon becoming very expert at it.

And Sarah, although she had carefully inspected every inch of his room for bugs and the like, didn't know about the boxes he had in storage full of classic, neat clothing that he had traded for jeans and sneakers, tee shirts and sweats almost as soon as she had come onto the scene and Chuck had formulated the clothing arm of his master plan.

An untucked shirttail in the back, a misbuttoned shirt, wrinkles or a carefully placed mustard stain – upper thigh was a favorite target – could mean Sarah's hands pretty much anywhere on him at any moment. She would tuck, unbutton and rebutton, smooth and, joy of all joys, vigorously wipe, her brow furrowed in concentration, completely missing Chuck's wide grins and sometimes the slight humming from deep in his throat as he stood still for her, the better to savor the moment.

His secret weapon in this department was the casually loosened tie and open collar button on his Buy More uniform. He might even get a disapproving click along with that one as she wrestled to match the tiny button to the hole, pulling his lips downwards to within an inch of her forehead. Chuck could make the bliss last a little longer if he stood at his full height and fidgeted a bit, making it that much harder for Sarah to reach, all the while fake moaning that she was fussing over him again. And as she grasped the knot of his tie with one hand and the tail with the other, shimmying them back and forth to slide them into their proper places, she would say with satisfaction, "There, Chuck, now everything is just the way it should be," and he couldn't help but silently agree.

Once, Sarah had taken Chuck shopping, hoping that she could help him choose slightly more fashionable clothes, and they had spent a glorious day at the mall, picking through racks. Chuck changed in the little booths while Sarah waited outside, finally delivering her verdict when he emerged to stand docilely in front of her, in heaven as she tugged and smoothed the fabrics and grabbed his shoulders or hips to turn him around for inspection. This was the best scam ever, and Chuck complained loudly about having to waste the day shopping while secretly lapping it up.

The whole enterprise had paid off so well, he was considering an offer to Ellie to re-paint the apartment, thereby ruining a few shirts with paint splatters so they would have to be replaced. Or, no, even better, skateboarding more often and artfully falling off, putting holes in his pants. Maybe that way he could achieve a double header of a new fitting session along with tender kisses on his boo-boo knees!


	4. Deportment

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Chapter 4: Deportment

Sarah knew the value of good posture. She did exercises every day to work on her core muscles so she could be strong and supple in the event she had to whup some bad guy or other.

Chuck knew the value of bad posture.

Don't get me wrong, he did exercises too. The bad posture that Chuck was aiming for was for Sarah's benefit. And, ultimately, Chuck's benefit as well.

Chuck had been in the habit of standing straight and tall until Sarah came into his life. He even had an old medal for deportment stashed in a sock at the very bottom of the odds and ends drawer in the kitchen. He put it there so Sarah wouldn't find it. Because he had discovered something very useful about good and bad posture as far as Sarah was concerned.

If he slopped and slouched around the Buy More, home, the mall, the park – anywhere that Sarah was with him – she would have a reason to scold him mercilessly and show him how to straighten up by grabbing his wrists and forcing his hands out of his pockets, gripping his shoulders and pushing them back and out and maybe even cupping his chin in the palm of her hand and levering his neck back to encourage him to adopt a stance more to her liking.

It was even better if she attacked him from behind. She would wrap her arms around him to get his hands out of his pockets, and he would have to remember not to relax into it so much that he gave himself away. Then reaching up and sliding her hands over his shoulders to the front, she would wrench them back, giving him the old, "For goodness sakes, Chuck, I don't know why you can't just stand up straight," and then follow with his favorite part, the head jerk. To accomplish this, Sarah would have to get really close to his back, close enough so that her chest pressed against the back of his ribs, and put one hand on each side of his jaw so she could pull his head into place. This maneuver also helped to keep his mouth closed and his tongue from hanging out at the delicious sensation.

And it didn't seem to matter to Sarah whether he was sitting or standing or leaning, she wouldn't hesitate to take on a schoolmarm look, hands on hips, then launch herself towards him, arms extended. It was very easy for Chuck to imagine that she was actually throwing herself into his arms and, on more than a few occasions, he had stopped himself just in time from swinging his arms up and apart to welcome her into his embrace. If he could figure out a good escape line for it, he was going to try to pull that off one day to see what it would feel like. Because Chuck suspected it might be just north of fantastic.

So as long as Sarah kept insisting that he correct his posture and as long as she kept doing it by brute force, Chuck was going to keep slouching and slopping and secretly smiling and loving it.


	5. Presence

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Chapter 5: Presence

Being with Sarah was its own reward, but if he played it right, Chuck could potentially spin it into something more. Here's how it would work.

Sarah's job, up to this point, at least, called for her to be alone and a loner. It was essential that any mark she was required to target not associate her with other people or specific places, so she would arrive, complete her assignment with a minimum of impact on her surroundings, and move on.

Chuck had always had the advantage of familial closeness in his life. It hadn't always been of the two-parent variety, but Ellie had done an admirable job of keeping their little unconventional family alive and chugging along, and Chuck never had to look too far for the support and love that kind of environment offered.

On the other hand, Sarah, however much she might yearn for it, expected to never have a home or a family.

The way Chuck looked at it, if he stayed around her as much as possible, suggesting fake dates for their fake relationship cover, telling Sarah occasionally that he was getting the feeling that Ellie or Captain Awesome or even Chuck's Stable of Hos might be suspecting that their boyfriend-girlfriend relationship was phony, Sarah would be compelled, perfectionist that she was, to go out with him for Chinese and a movie or put on some slinky number and crawl into his bed with him. Even though she wasn't yet there to keep Chuck warm, at least she was warming up the spot next to him and leaving her scent on the pillow in the morning, and Chuck found he was satisfied with that for the time being.

So Chuck would stroll into Orange Orange, order some yogurt concoction and pretend to enjoy it, or show up at her hotel room door with a vegetarian pizza, no olives, always ready to drop everything and run to her side when his cell phone rang and Sarah's picture appeared on the screen.

Chuck insisted that Sarah be invited to every Bartowski gathering, and Ellie wasn't inclined to argue, which made it that much easier for Chuck to subtly move closer to Sarah on the couch after dinner and casually wrap an arm around her, holding her close and sprinkling little chipmunk kisses here and there on her face. These were the times that Chuck silently thanked his sister and future brother-in-law for being so tactile with each other and setting a compelling example of domestic bliss for Sarah to follow.

The plan was now working so well, in fact, that the last time they had gone to the movies on a fake date by themselves, Sarah had unconsciously grabbed Chuck's hand in the dark of the theater and held on even after the shock of the first zombie sighting was over. And Chuck, grinning at the undead faces that stared dully back at him from the movie screen, figured this small and seemingly insignificant occurrence was one of the highlights of his life.

And now Chuck was thinking ahead to phase two and how helpful it would be when Ellie and Devon married and Sarah would be exposed to that kind of relationship. Or phase three, even, a new baby in the house. Chuck smiled to himself, very excited at the prospect.


	6. Availability

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Chapter 6: Availability

If the goal was to be near Sarah as much as humanly possible, it would seem like a contradiction for Chuck to sometimes make himself unavailable to her, wouldn't it? But, as you may have noticed by now, he was really being quite clever about the whole thing.

One consideration in the equation was Morgan. His old friend was pretty patient about the miracle that was Sarah and Chuck's fake relationship, for Morgan, that is, but Chuck suspected it had to do more with male solidarity – and the fact that Sarah was a very hot woman – than Morgan's willingness to share his friend. Yes, Morgan definitely deserved some attention now and then. After all, they had been really close for a long time and Morgan had been there for Chuck when he needed a friend the most.

Ellie, too, merited some of Chuck's time. She was always so worried about him yet at the same time willing to let him find his feet at his own pace, even if it meant he stumbled a bit now and then. And Devon had always been a nice guy and supportive of Chuck in such an awesome way.

So it wasn't exactly a hardship to spend some time with them now and then. And it also fit very nicely into the plan.

Whenever Chuck thought that Sarah might be taking his presence for granted, even a little bit, he would announce to her, "Oh, by the way, I'm hanging out with Morgan tonight, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

The first time he tried this, she didn't even bat an eye and spewed out some cheerful platitudes about how nice, being with your friend, blah, blah, blah, but this didn't deter Chuck in the least. He just knew deep down this was a good tactic and was willing to see it through.

The second time, he noticed that Sarah's face fell a bit at the news and she paused before responding in a flat voice with, "Oh, okay," and turned away from him, quickly changing the subject.

As they say, third time's a charm, and when Chuck had told her that he was leaving for the whole weekend to go with Devon to an out-of-town college football game, he could have sworn he saw the glint of a tear in the corner of Sarah's eye before she collected herself, turned a very stiff smile in his direction, and instructed him firmly not to drink too much beer.

And finally, the payoff. Chuck and Devon planned to head out early Saturday morning, and the whole Friday evening before, Sarah stuck to him like glue, listening attentively, being even more spirited and beautiful than usual, if that was even possible, and putting herself in his way when other people were around so it would seem unnatural if a steady couple didn't hold hands or embrace or even kiss each other lightly on the lips.

When he and Devon got in the car the next morning and Chuck turned to look out the back window as they drove away, Ellie and Sarah standing on the sidewalk waving them off, his mind happily wandered to what kind of reception he might get when they returned on Sunday night. Maybe there would be a touch football game that Chuck could get in on to get himself knocked around a bit so he could find out what Sarah would do to comfort a sore and battered weekend warrior.

Okay, maybe all this scheming was a bit cruel and manipulative, but as a puppet of the CIA and the NSA, Chuck had to play the cards he was dealt. And if that meant being away from Sarah for a bit now would make her at some point want to be with him for the adult version of forever, well, then, that was a price Chuck was more than willing to pay.


	7. Compliments

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Chapter 7: Compliments

Ellie was absolutely indispensable to Chuck. She was a big help in understanding how the female mind worked. And since Ellie was wholly supportive of his relationship with Sarah, even though she wasn't aware it was a make-believe relationship, she wasn't above assisting Chuck now and then in the Mars/Venus department.

So it was Ellie who had suggested to Chuck that compliments were a good thing and set his mind to thinking how to use them for maximum effect.

For someone as lovely, intelligent and accomplished as Sarah, Chuck had noticed very early on in their association that she still liked to hear nice things said about her every once in a while. Maybe there was some kind of insecurity lurking just under the surface that made Sarah doubt herself, and Chuck saw his chance to help fill the tiny chink in her armor and bolster her self-worth.

Chuck liked nothing better than to say something complimentary and watch how Sarah responded as her eyes at first lit up at his kind words, the expression quickly replaced by a tiny frown of disbelief, and then, after accepting the possibility that what Chuck had said just might be true, finishing with a glorious smile of delight that radiated from every pore and washed over Chuck like life-giving sunlight.

He'd tried several different methods and discovered that changing it up was the best approach. After all, "You're beautiful," is okay as far as it goes but sounds a little flat and uncreative after the first few times, even if Chuck unconditionally believed it to be true.

And Sarah wasn't stupid. She could read Chuck's facial expression and his body language as easily as other people could read a book. Heck, Sarah was expert enough to take note of the flush caused by an increased heart rate or changes in breathing patterns that made a lie patently obvious. Chuck knew that he couldn't just throw out compliments for the sake of flattering Sarah's ego.

Chuck's solution was to study Sarah intently. He watched everything she did and the way she did it. He looked at what she wore, observed how she carried herself, and most especially paid attention during briefings to see how Sarah reacted to either criticism or praise from General Beckman. And Chuck noted how Sarah interacted with her partner, mentally cataloging the types of things that Casey said that would boost her pride or, conversely, hurt her ego.

When Sarah was looking particularly pleased with herself after receiving a compliment on a job well done, Chuck would scoot his hand around behind her and give her shoulder a light squeeze while whispering in her ear, "Way to go, champ," drawing his hand away before Casey could see what was going on. Or if Casey had just chewed Sarah out about some misstep, real or imagined, Chuck, coming up from behind, would whisper, "You're still my favorite spy."

These compliments, therefore, came across as their little secret, and Chuck himself was becoming rather expert at noticing the way Sarah's neck flushed from a quickening pulse as she looked towards the floor and smiled at his kind words. And there was also the added advantage of getting Casey pissed when he found that Sarah didn't seem as upset as previously when he criticized her.

But there were just times when a full-out public compliment was in order, and Chuck made sure he was very generous with that kind of praise as well.

When Sarah knocked at the Bartowski apartment and Chuck opened the door to let her in, he could be heard by everyone who was already there to exclaim, "Sarah, you look wonderful. That color really brings out your eyes," or "How's my lovely lady tonight?" Corny? You bet. But if Chuck delivered them with sincerity – and he always did – Sarah ate it up like candy and her eyes asked for more.

Even when they were alone, Chuck wouldn't hesitate to look into Sarah's eyes, take a deep breath, exhale, and say, "Sarah, my God, I can't believe it. You're just so... So incredibly beautiful."

And he had never had to lie about it once.


	8. Confidence

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Chapter 8: Confidence

If you weren't paying attention or looking too closely, it was easy to get the impression that Chuck lacked confidence. He hesitated and stuttered and shuffled his feet when Sarah was around, blinking his eyes and looking at the floor, seemingly waiting for her to take charge. And take charge she did.

Sarah would carefully and patiently explain things to him, telling him not to be frightened; the mission would work out if he only had a little more confidence, a little more assertiveness. Then she would gently take hold of his hands and try to make eye contact with him. When he finally looked at her face, she would say something like, "I know you can do it, Chuck. If you would only believe in yourself like I believe in you," and Chuck would smile shyly, replying, "Do you think so, Sarah?" Jiggling his hands and wearing a brilliant smile, she would say, "You're Chuck. You can do anything."

Well, Chuck already knew that, of course. A guy doesn't get to go to Stanford on a scholarship if he doesn't know his own capabilities. Chuck's confidence had been shaken when he was expelled but that was only because he didn't really know why it happened, and he had fruitlessly questioned for a number of years what exactly his role had been in that whole disaster. But now that he knew about the CIA recruiter and the part Bryce had played in the fiasco, it was no longer an issue and his old confidence had returned. But Sarah didn't need to know that.

Sarah liked to wear the pants in their fake relationship. It was that simple. So if Chuck had to step back and let her take the lead, he was prepared to do so. She could order him around and make efforts to boost his supposedly bruised ego to her heart's delight. Chuck simply figured if he were patient, it would be that much more thrilling for both of them when the time was right for him to finally assert himself in their relationship.

Unable to resist the temptation, however, he just recently tested his theory out. When Chuck and Sarah both thought that the Cipher would activate the new Intersect and he was going to be a free man once again, no longer answerable to the NSA or the CIA and finally able to have a normal romantic relationship with Sarah, they had gone on a real date. And just when Sarah was expecting Chuck to say something self-deprecating in response to her praise, he had replied in his best Charles Carmichael voice with "I'm fantastic," and was delighted to see Sarah's reaction.

She was a little startled at first but that only lasted for a moment. Her initial look of surprise was replaced by the sexiest come-hither look that Chuck had ever seen, and knowing it was for him alone was positively mind-blowing. Later on, when Chuck confronted Mr. Colt on the rooftop, once again using his so-called alter ego Charles Carmichael, he could see out of the corner of his eye that Sarah's breathing, having slowed after her fight with Colt, once again sped up, her eyes shining with pride and a little something more. Something that Chuck found very exciting.

Anyway, you all know how the Cipher and the new Intersect turned out. But in the end, Sarah's reaction was a good sign that this plan was a doozy, one that was sure to pay off in ways it would be indelicate to explain here, and Chuck backpedaled as soon as they returned to their fake relationship, once again assuming a mask of uncertainty and indecision.

So all Chuck had to do was wait for the right moment and remember to only show his real self when Sarah thought he was being Carmichael and acting a part. Chuck was betting that once she found out that Carmichael was Chuck and Chuck was Carmichael, well, pants would no longer be an issue, metaphorically or otherwise.


	9. Stealth

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Chapter 9: Stealth

Here's the thing. It was really hard to sneak up on Sarah. She was a highly trained agent who knew all the tricks. So the first time Chuck planned and executed his own personal covert operation, he wasn't sure how it would turn out. Would Sarah discover him hiding in plain sight just outside Orange Orange, watching through the window as she served customers that the CIA couldn't prevent from unknowingly entering their installation? Chuck's heart almost jumped from his chest as he watched her and kept an eye out for Casey.

Later that night, alone in his bed in the dark, Chuck couldn't decide whether his adrenaline rush had been from a fear of getting caught or just the very stimulating sight of Sarah dishing out cool treats in her new very revealing work uniform.

So Chuck decided to try something else. This time, he stood next to Sarah, Casey on the other side of her, listening to yet another long-winded debriefing from General Beckman. Chuck discovered if he unfocused his eyes a bit he could catch a reflection of Sarah in the monitor screen in a way that she wouldn't be able to tell he was watching her. Chuck only needed a small part of his brain by now to listen to whatever it was that the general was droning on about, which was just as well, because Sarah made the cutest faces when she was concentrating on her work.

And Chuck had refined other stealth skills, albeit in an unorthodox manner. Years ago, while playing video games against Morgan, Chuck discovered his friend telegraphed his moves. Normally they wouldn't have been visible to the player sitting next to him on the couch, but Chuck, once he knew what to look for, developed his peripheral vision to such an extent that he could practically see out of the sides of his head in both directions simultaneously. Something like a chameleon but without the pretty colors.

So when Sarah was at an angle out of Chuck's primary vision, an angle at which Sarah would expect that a normal person couldn't see, Chuck could, and he was able to watch as Sarah lifted her skirt to straighten a stocking or made funny little kissy-mouths in the mirror to touch up her lipstick. And as Chuck watched, he knew that one day she would no longer feel it necessary to hide these little feminine maneuvers from him when they were properly together.

Chuck had a couple of other tricks up his sleeve to try, like attaching a piece of mirror to his watch face or maybe digging out the old tube with two pieces of angled mirror that he and Morgan had made in grade 5 science class that you could use to look around corners.

But nothing beat the penlight. Chuck would watch Sarah for minutes at a time as she slept, ready to point the beam under his chin if she showed any signs of waking up. That way, he could pretend he was doing scary Hallowe'en faces in the dark, which she would believe in a minute because it was the kind of juvenile thing she would expect him to do.

And Sarah hadn't woken when Chuck waited until she was sleeping on her side facing him and slowly moved closer to her, inch by inch, finally taking her arm and draping it over his chest. In fact, she had snuggled in to close the gap between them, and Chuck fell into a deep, restful and satisfied sleep feeling her warm body pressed up against his side.

The only drawback had been that when Chuck's alarm went off the next morning, Sarah was already out of bed and in the kitchen having breakfast with Ellie and Captain Awesome so he hadn't had the pleasure of seeing her expression when she woke up holding him close. Seems like Chuck was going to have to install some spy cameras of his own one of these days.


	10. Unpredictability

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Chapter 10: Unpredictability

Chuck had been around Sarah and Casey long enough to figure out that their job was based on statistics and probabilities garnered from decades of data, carefully collected, sorted, tabled, and analyzed well in advance of their missions by trained experts. Everything that the two spies did in their investigations was triggered by knowledge of the way bad guys usually reacted in any given situation.

Chuck's specialty was in not behaving according to the rules.

At first, this would make Sarah crazy. Staying in the car was a good example. Chuck didn't. But by the time it was expected that he wouldn't, he did, for which he got a resounding "Dumbass!" from Casey as their mark sprinted by the van and out of sight around a corner. Chuck just shrugged his shoulders and smiled at the infuriated and confused agents, reminding them that he was just following their instructions.

When Sarah asked Chuck why he was all of a sudden obeying orders, he kept his counsel, all the while knowing that the layout of that particular neighborhood would only allow the fleeing criminal one path, and that was straight into the arms of the backup team that Casey had called in.

Why would Chuck do this, you ask? Because he knew the value of unpredictability when dealing with someone like Sarah.

She had gotten used to ordering him around, telling him what to do, and in its own way, Chuck found that quite fun, but from time to time he knew it was good for her to see she was dealing with someone with a mind of his own who wasn't afraid to disobey her. From a practical standpoint it had saved them all and, on more than one occasion, many thousands of others on various missions. From a personal standpoint, it kept Sarah from becoming too complacent where Chuck was concerned.

So Chuck would run when he was told to stay, sit when he was told to move, talk when he was told to be quiet, and be generally annoying for Sarah to deal with. She would glare at him, fists on hips, exhaling sharp breaths through her nostrils as she tried to figure out how to get him to do what she wanted. And none of it would work.

And then all of a sudden it _would_ work and Sarah would lose the pattern, the predictability, the probability and become very disoriented and much more inclined to pay attention to what Chuck was saying or doing at any given moment.

Chuck could keep Sarah off balance in other ways as well, such as by leaning in front of her to grab a handful of popcorn, turning his face just slightly as his lips slid by close to hers, and then quickly sitting back to continue to watch the movie while munching on said popcorn, grinning to himself as Sarah tried to control the disappointed look on her face.

And then he'd be all over her, getting slapped back and reminded that it was only a cover relationship. He would whine and beg, finally giving up after a carefully calculated amount of time, which always coincided with small signs that Sarah was about to cave and throw herself at him.

He hated frustrating her like that, as he would much rather be holding her close, softly and slowly kissing her anger away, but it was much better to be doing something that would result in a lot less frustration for Chuck down the line. And if Sarah thought he was being unpredictable now, just wait until they were in a real relationship. She most definitely wasn't going to be able to catch her breath or know what to do about him then.


	11. Humor

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Chapter 11: Humor

The use of humor to captivate a potential mate is nothing new. I bet the first time some guy mixed clay powder with a bit of water and daubed it onto a cave wall he drew the Neanderthal version of "Kilroy Was Here" and checked to see if the nearest female was laughing.

Chuck's use of humor was a little more subtle and, at the same time, a little broader than that.

For most of his life, Chuck had been quite serious, observing people rather than putting himself forward. He thought if he were serious, then people would take him seriously. Unfortunately, they mostly overlooked him in favor of his more outgoing classmates. Since it wasn't shyness that held Chuck back, when he did break out, he did it in a big way, and his easy charm and wit were a hit wherever he went.

When Chuck had gotten to Stanford, he discovered that charm and wit, especially among the braniacs that were in his faculty, were not in short supply, and he quickly got used to no longer being the standout funny man he had been in junior school. He had to shift his technique, not wasting his humor, waiting for the right moment to shine.

And then Sarah came along and made it all pretty easy again.

It wasn't that Sarah was stupid. Far from it. Rather, she had a tendency to take everything very seriously. When you lived your life expecting a bullet to get you, it was difficult to have a sense of humor. Chuck understood this and he also understood how important it was for Sarah to loosen up and laugh from time to time. And Chuck figured if he were the one to make her laugh, she would eventually look to him for the emotional release it afforded until she wasn't always under threat and her sense of humor turned a little less macabre.

He would wait until Sarah was already staring into his eyes, maybe when they were alone on one of their fake dates, and then slowly cross them, making a goofy face. Sarah, anticipating the usual traditional seduction attempt, would be drawn in even more as she laughed, holding her stomach and trying not to snort.

Doing funny things behind Casey's back usually worked as well, and Chuck could also get a laugh from Sarah's efforts to control her facial expression as Chuck did rabbit ears behind the big agent's head or pulled the sides of his mouth out with his fingers and stuck out his tongue. Of course, the best was silently mimicking Casey. Sarah had to resort to practically falling on the floor in a coughing fit so that her partner wouldn't catch on.

General Beckman was an easy target as well but not useful for slapstick humor. Instead, Chuck would use the driest wit possible, carefully arranging his features so the general, although suspicious, could never directly accuse him of trying to pull her leg. Chuck's leg suffered on more than one occasion, though, when Sarah kicked him under the table to try to get him to stop. And one time it was Casey who had to pull the fake coughing fit.

Sarah was even starting to join in, and she made a great straight man. Once, on a mission where they had to pretend to be married, it wasn't PDAs that did the trick but the fact that they traded barbs and quick one-liners with perfect timing and an ease that many married couples only arrive at after several years of wedded bliss. Chuck decided to christen the technique the "Nick and Nora," which only made Sarah laugh again and promise to come over that night to watch The Thin Man movies with him so they could maybe pick up some more pointers.

So Chuck figured if the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, then the way to a woman's heart was through her funny bone, and he planned to tickle Sarah's funny bone, and maybe a few other parts of her anatomy, until her heart was all his.


	12. Experience

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Chapter 12: Experience

Frankly, Chuck had looked ridiculous practicing kissing with the mirror before his first "date" with Sarah. He must have kissed girls, even women, before. Why was he acting like a twelve year old?

If you haven't learned by now that not all is as it seems with our man Charles Irving Bartowski, then you haven't been paying attention. The awkward mirror kissing was a session to practice being awkward at kissing. So how does this fit into Chuck's master plan, exactly? Well, I'm glad you asked.

The first time he laid eyes on her, Chuck could see how beautiful Sarah was, and not just surface beauty. The way Chuck figured, Sarah had been kissed by a lot of men who were self-assured, dangerous, worldly and very experienced. Men like Bryce Larkin. Instead of letting this intimidate him, however, Chuck, using lateral thinking and, putting the Bartowski twist on it, came up with the final leg of his master plan.

Chuck was sure that Sarah would expect him to be inexperienced when it came to women. He was a nerd, after all. But Sarah was looking from the outside in.

Nerds are, by nature, quantifiers, codifiers, collectors of data and information about whatever their interest. And usually around the age of twelve, when the hormones kicked in, sex was most likely to be added as a new interest. And Chuck was no different than hundreds of thousands of other nerds whose attention shifted almost overnight from the engineering of the Millennium Falcon to the engineering of Princess Leia's slave bra.

What made Chuck different from the other nerds who used the same scientific approach to, say, build rockets is that Chuck had the charm and personality to get close to girls, often very close, and as soon as Chuck became interested in girls and sex, he set about collecting data, compiling it, forming theories, testing them out in practical applications using many test subjects, and revising his theories as needed until he was quite the expert in the field.

Chuck was the most popular target in a game of Spin-The-Bottle in junior school and later on, in high school, even before he got a driver's license – that universal symbol of juvenile virility – he could be found at house parties under an eager girl or two honing his technique and solidifying his reputation as a great kisser.

At Stanford, the other nerds in his faculty dubbed him "Lucky Chucky" as he added other activities to his sexual repertoire and fielded the many passes from co-eds first from his class then from other faculties as his reputation spread. The girls also gave him a rhyming nickname, somewhat indecent, which I will leave for you to guess at. By the time Bryce introduced Chuck to Jill, he was ready to settle down and concentrate on one woman.

Unfortunately for Chuck, however, Jill wasn't ready to settle down, and it devastated Chuck when she left him for Bryce, the man who betrayed him and stole all his dreams. But Bryce could only put a damper on Chuck's confidence; he couldn't take away Chuck's experience.

So when Sarah suddenly appeared in Chuck's life, he was tempted to ease back into a very active and satisfying sex life. He was, that is, until he came up with the idea of not showing all his cards at once, and he acted bashful and clumsy, blushed easily and appeared painfully shy when it came to sex.

Sarah, with her aggressive, dominating nature, saw this as a challenge, which was exactly what Chuck had predicted, and he enjoyed her encouragements and caresses, the way she grabbed him around the waist when they were supposed to be all lovey-dovey for their cover, and the way she teased him, one minute coming on to him like gangbusters and the next minute telling him not to touch her because it wasn't real. Chuck was looking forward to the day when Sarah realized her feelings for him were just as real as his had always been for her, and he hugged the anticipation to himself when he was alone in bed at night.

There had been a couple of occasions when Chuck had been taken by surprise and just about revealed the extent of his experience to Sarah. The first time had been when they thought Bryce's cryo tube had been a bomb and Sarah had kissed him. Boy, had he kissed her back. And it happened again when Roan Montgomery insisted that Chuck demonstrate his kissing skills with Sarah. He was going to have to be careful. It was too easy for Chuck to slip up when he had a willing and warm Sarah in his arms.

Because Chuck much preferred letting Sarah "teach" him rather than revealing himself. And he was prepared to be a very slow learner. In fact, he hoped it would take them the rest of their lives together.


End file.
